Tim McGraw - Right Motive, Wrong Method

Tim McGraw, Country/Western music star, has found a lot of support and well-deserved recognition for his efforts to stand up for abused women. This is an important issue that needs more public visibility in order to navigate closer to a solution.  Women should not live in fear in their own homes, least of all at the hands of their own husbands.

But Mr. McGraw proposes a solution that he uses with his friends.  His solution is that when he finds out a friend has been abusing his wife, he tells the friend that he just can't be his friend any more.  He also makes it clear to his friends that the moment he hears about domestic violence, they will be cut off from his friendship.

The problem with that approach is that someone who is having that kind of difficulty needs friends more than anything else.  The need a friend who will lovingly confront them rather than merely abandon them at the hour of deepest need.

Now I am not pretending that I am an expert in the mind of the abuser, although I have met a few over the years.  The sense I get is that an abusive husband is striving for isolation, perhaps out of shame or insecurity.  Leaving such a man without friends only compounds the difficulty, and perhaps presents more danger to his wife and children, once the "secret" is out.

One man in a Bible study I lead recently suggested that since Mr. McGraw is a celebrity, perhaps losing his friendship would be a big blow to someone.  Although if what I am looking for out of a friendship is to rub elbows with a star or to ride along on his wealth, perhaps what I had with the famous person wasn't really friendship to begin with.

Jesus carried the label, "Friend of Sinners."  The people Jesus hung around with were people who didn't earn or deserve the friendship of the celebrities of that day.  Among Jesus' friends were tax collectors, harlots, the lame and adulterous.  Perhaps they weren't rich, or weren't popular, or maybe they were known to beat their wives.   If I follow Jesus' example, maybe I need to seek these people out.  After all, in the words of Jesus, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Matthew 9:12)

I hope and pray that I have such friends, that when trouble finds me, even at my own hand, they will love me enough to help me through it.