Six Warning Signs from Tiger Woods' Relationships

Tiger Woods held his press conference in Augusta, Georgia yesterday in anticipation of participating in the Masters Golf Tournament this week.  I took a closer look because I heard some hints at relationship breakdowns in his life that were related to his recent scandal.  I didn't look in order to condemn him, but in order to analyze what happened in order to identify any potential warning signs in my life.  I also determined that it was important as I lead others to encourage them to scrutinize their relationships and so avoid potential catastrophe.

Here are six areas of breakdowns in relationships that I believe either led to Tiger's downfall or were symptomatic of a deeper problem.

1. He led a secret life.  In other words, he behaved in a way that was different from how he presented himself to others.  Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with him having a separation between private and professional life.  But when there is a third area in which habitual sins are hidden, there is a lack of integrity.  Someone defined integrity as "You are who you say you are."  Another said, "Character is who you are in the dark."  In Genesis 16:13, Hagar said, "You are the God who sees me," which is true, whether we want to or not.  God sees us all, which means that nothing we do, say or think is completely secret.
2. He lied to himself.  I guess this means that he justified his behavior, or he convinced himself that he wouldn't get caught.  This is one of the first steps toward a life of destruction.
3. He lied to others.  My wife is my very best friend.  She knows all of me - the good, the bad and the ugly.  She knows me at my best and my worst.  If I start lying to her, everything breaks down in my most important earthly relationship.  John Maxwell once defined success as, "When those closest to me love and respect me the most."  One breakthrough for me was discovering that my family didn't expect me to be perfect.  They love me for who I am, and not who I am striving (or pretending) to be.  I also learned that I can trust them to help me through my struggles.  The want my honesty, but they also want the best for me.  So I have learned to trust them with guidance they give me, because I can trust their motives.  Unfortunately for Tiger, the trust his wife and children had in him for that very same support is gone.  To whom will they turn when they have questions or problems growing up? 
4. He failed to acknowledge his fans.  Obviously Tiger has talent.  He had incredible support from his father and others along the way.  However, without fans, there is no profession.  Unless a sport has spectators who are willing to pay to see it, companies that endorse it, and sponsors who hold tournaments, Tiger needs to find another job to support his family and pay the bills.  While some commended Tiger on his "focus" during play, I feel his distance from those who support him is indicative of a deeper arrogance, which leads to more serious problems.
5. He had negative outbursts.  While some believe that his intensity was a strength, I feel his lack of sportsmanship belied a deeper problem.  During yesterday's press conference, Tiger committed to toning down his negative outbursts, which he predicted would also diminish his positive ones.  While the sport world temporarily rewards those who perform well, the lifetime honors are given to those who were true sportsmen, like Ernie Banks or Walter Payton.
6. He failed to acknowledge the success of others.  He admitted to this yesterday, and he was pledging to make a more determined effort to encourage others on the course.  Paul says in Romans 12:15: "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."  The biggest difficulty in the heart of a selfish man is understanding the feelings of others, especially if their experience is different from his own.

Believe me, I wish the best for Tiger, both professionally and personally.  Hopefully some healing can happen in his life; not only in his heart and mind, but also in his relationships with others.  While lots of damage has been done, I believe in the power of God to heal.

Let's pray for him, but in addition, let's heed the warning signs that led to Tiger's downfall.  Take a few moments for your own relationship inventory today.

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Build Your Sunday School - Visit!

This post is related to the one about Sunday School last week, when I talked about contacting people who haven't been there in a while.

This week, I am talking about keeping in touch - outside class - with students who are your tried-and-true regular attenders.

Contacting them outside class helps you do a few things:

• It allows them to talk privately about sensitive issues.  There may be prayer requests or relationship concerns that they wouldn't bring up in class.
• It gives an opportunity for specific feedback.  Sometimes your quietest students have the best ideas or suggestions as to how to make things better.  Get with them one on one and listen to what they have to say.
• It shows that you care about them.  If you only see them in class, you may give the impression that you take them for granted or that you on care about the fact that they come to Sunday School.
• It deepens relationships.  By extending yourself outside class, you are opening yourself as well.
• It extends the reach of your pastor.  Some people wait a long time to get a visit from the CO.  You can help these soldiers feel more a part of the congregation.

Ideas to make contact:

• Find a way that works for both of you.  For some, it's the phone.  For others, it's Facebook.  Some people like email, while in certain situations, a home visit is the best.  Find out the best way to make contact.
• Contact your students regularly.  With a smaller class, you can make a contact once every month or two.  Obviously, there will be people that you naturally connect better with, and you will want to contact them more frequently.  Just make sure that you get to all of them eventually.
• Listen.  You have an agenda, yes, but make sure that your student gets to say what's on their minds.
• Bring someone else along.  Sometimes, you know in advance that a visit might be awkward.  For instance, if you are visiting someone of the opposite sex who lives alone, it is best to bring someone with you.
• Keep it short.  Yes, some people will want to visit for a long time.  But keeping it short will ensure that future visits will be welcomed, not dreaded.
• Share with your pastor.  There might be a situation that you are really concerned about, maybe an issue that is beyond your expertise.  Keeping the Captain informed will help develop a team approach to meeting needs.

Will you commit to making contact with a few students this weekend?  It will help enliven your Sunday School class.

Like what you are reading? Consider the following: 1. Subscribe to my blog (there is a link for that on this page). 2. "Follow" me on twitter. It's a free account, and a great way to meet like-minded friends. My link is: http://twitter.com/tommccomb. 3. Leave a comment (I love your candid feedback and might use your ideas in future posts) 4. Tell someone else about this blog. Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you soon.

Where Have You Been?

Life gets crazy sometimes.  Sometimes, you have to break your routine.  So you miss Sunday School a few times.  But no one called.  No one emailed.  Does anyone care that you missed?  Do you really want to go back?

These are the thoughts of too many people who have been enthusiastically invited and welcomed to church, but after coming for awhile, have an interruption.  Do we as Sunday School teachers notice?  Do we do anything about it?

In the near future, I will put a post up about how to show care and respect to others.  One way to drop the ball is to fail to contact someone who misses class.

Here are a few ways to do it:

1. Postcard.  OK, it's a little old-fashioned, but everyone likes to get mail.  There are colorful cards available at Christian bookstores that can be filled out by hand on Sunday afternoon.  If you drop it in the mailbox right away, your student has mail - showing you care and you missed them - on Tuesday.
2. Email. In this digital age, you can send a quick note through email.  Many young people use Facebook instead of email, so get an account and send friend requests to your class members. I hope that someday, the Sunday School attendance book will have room for email and Facebook name.  There are even some free digital cards you can send.
3. Phone call.  I know someone who hated to miss Sunday School, because they know if they missed, they would get a call from someone.  Now guilt is a poor motivator, but sometimes it's the only thing that does the trick.  If you teach a children's class, call the student's parents, let them know why you are calling and ask permission to talk with your student.  I've never had a parent say "no," and many times, it is even more important to communicate to the parent about the absence than the student.  After all, the parent is often your student's only transportation to Sunday School.  Just touch base to see if everything is OK.
4. Home visit.  There are situations that just seem funny, and you suspect that something crazy is happening at your student's home.  If you it would make you feel more comfortable, bring someone else along - maybe the Sunday School teacher from the older sister's class.  Just go to the home, and have a friendly visit.  Let the whole family know they were missed.  Ask if there is something you can pray about.  Then pray and go.  Don't stay forever.  They have things to do, and so do you.  Remember, everyone can make home visits; not just the Corps Officer.

This Sunday, pay attention to your attendance sheet.  Make note of who is missing and how long they have been missing.  There may be students in your class who are ready to fall through the cracks.  Don't wait any longer - contact them and let them know you care that they are missing.

Like what you are reading? Consider the following: 1. Subscribe to my blog (there is a link for that on this page). 2. "Follow" me on twitter. It's a free account, and a great way to meet like-minded friends. My link is: http://twitter.com/tommccomb. 3. Leave a comment (I love your candid feedback and might use your ideas in future posts) 4. Tell someone else about this blog. Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you soon.